Monday, August 20, 2007@12:23 AM
OMFG
like seriously.
this fucking internet connection is so fucking slow that i lost any mood for ranty posts.
right now i'm scared about my future and stuff like that. i don't want to think about what i want to do for my future because the things i want to do the most may not get my parents' approval or worse yet i might not even be accepted in that particular group.
right now i feel that i'm not a part of a lot of things and i definitely have the feeling that i'm being led by a leash. nothing's definite and i hate that feeling.
and please can i just stop hearing about the thing that i'm not involved in and yet i'm forced to give some kind of reaction that is not the pissy or petty or jealous type?
i think i might be stuck in a permanent PMS situation.
anyway the current me sucks. on one hand i'm like having traitorous thoughts towards other friends. if i can still use the word 'friends' which i want and still hope to. but a lot of things are being kept from us and while i sort of understand it, it still doesn't make me feel any better.
it really sucks that we can't be straight with each other right now. the last time someone tried, it sort of felt that she was being labelled as the baddie. so yeah. now all we can do, the 3 of us miles and miles away, is to hope for the best. and that also suddenly i get an email saying that maybe we don't have to do it. maybe we can wait it out. sigh. i don't want to think about this anymore. it sucks that i was once thinking of doing this for my future. but hell. don't think that's happening any time soon. _ _